Humor 10


 A man's car broke down as he was driving past a beautiful old

 monastery.  He walked up the drive and knocked on the front door.  A

 monk answered, listened to the man's story and graciously invited him

 to spend the night.

 The monks fed the man and led him to a tiny chamber in which to

 sleep.  The man thanked the monks and slept serenely until he was

 awakened by a strange and beautiful sound.

 The next morning, as the monks were repairing his car, he asked about

 the sound that had woke him.

 "We're sorry," the monks said, "We can't tell you about the sound.

 You're not a monk."

 The man was disappointed, but eager to be gone, so he thanked the

 monks for their kindness and went on his way.  During quiet moments

 afterward, the man pondered the source of the alluring sound.

 Several years later the man happened to be driving in the same area.

 He stopped at the monastery on a whim and asked admittance.  He

 explained to the monks that he had so enjoyed his previous stay, he

 wondered if he might be permitted to spend another night under their

 peaceful roof.  The monks agreed, and so the man stayed with them


 Late that night, he heard the strange beautiful sound.  The following

 morning he begged the monks to explain the sound.  The monks gave

him  the same answer as before.

 "We're sorry.  We can't tell you about the sound. You're not a monk."

 By now the man's curiosity had turned to obsession.  He decided to

 give up everything and become a monk, for that was the only way he

 could learn about the sound.  He informed the monks of his decision

 and began the long and arduous task of becoming a monk.  Seventeen

 years later, the man was finally established as a true member of the


 When the celebration ended, he humbly went to the leader of the order

 and asked to be told the source of the sound.

 Silently, the old monk led the new monk to a huge wooden door.  He

 opened the door with a golden key.  That door swung open to reveal a

 second door of silver, then a third of gold and so on until they had

 passed through twelve doors, each more magnificent than the last.

 The new monk's face was awash with tears of joy as he finally beheld

 the wondrous source of the beautiful mysterious sound he had heard

so  many years before..........


 But, I can't tell you what it was.  You're not a monk



Two men were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning
freight vessel.  While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the
men stumbled across an old lamp.  Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear,
he rubbed the lamp vigorously.  To the amazement of the castaways, one did
come forth.  This particular Genie, however, stated that she could only
deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the
entire ocean into beer!"

Immediately the Genie clapped her hands with a deafening crash, and the
entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the Genie vanished to her freedom.

Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two
men considered their circumstances.  The other man looked disgustedly at the
one whose wish had been granted.

Aftea long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:  "Nice going!  Now we're
going to have to pee in the boat!"

Gotta love little boys.... To all my friends who have sons.....and
 those who don' seems that two young boys walked into a pharmacy
 one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout
 counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are
 you?" "Eight", the boy replied.
 The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?" The boy replied,
"Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They are for him. He's my little
 brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be
 able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either one

A Mexican family crosses the border to the Land of Milk and Honey here the streets are paved with gold.  But the husband can find no work.

His family is hungry, so he takes a walk to a quiet place at the foot of a big hill, kneels at the base of a tree, and begins to pray:

"Sweet Jesus, please show me a way to feed my family..." Eyes closed, the Mexican does not see the Black man coming over the top of the hill, who is struggling with a broken grocery sack and who loses a wheel of cheese.

When the Mexican man opens his eyes, the large wheel of Cheddar cheese from the Black man's grocery bag rolls down the hill and lands at the Mexican's feet!

Oh, thank you Jesus, thank you", he cries, grabs the cheese, and runs straight home.

Upon returning home, he gives the cheese to his wife and instructs her to make nachos. "But wouldn't you rather have cheese enchiladas and burritos and other things?" she inquires.

"No, the husband says, "Jesus sent this to me with a message.. as I ran home, I kept hearing a voice yelling................


TEACHER:       Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA:             Here it is.
TEACHER:      Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS:            Maria.
TEACHER:    Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK:         Because of the sign.
TEACHER:    What sign?
FRANK:         The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow.
TEACHER:   John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:          You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER:        Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN:             K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER:        No, that's wrong
GLENN:             Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER:       Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:         H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:       What are you talking about?
DONALD:         Yesterday you said it's H to O.
TEACHER:       Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't  have ten years ago.
WINNIE:            Me!
TEACHER:      Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN:             Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER:       Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE:              I  is...
TEACHER:       No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE:             All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER:       George Washington not only chopped down his father's
cherry tree,  but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS:             Because George still had the ax in his hand.
TEACHER:       Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before
SIMON:              No sir, I don't have to,  my Mom is a good cook

TEACHER:       Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same
as your brother's.
Did you copy his?
CLYDE:             No, teacher, it's the same dog.
TEACHER:     Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer,  Interested?
HAROLD:        A teacher.




Humor 11